”I wasn't allowed.." has got to be the hardest thing I hear new mums say after their birth. (Or pregnant women say they aren't 'allowed' to do a certain thing when they are birthing).
A few of the most common phrases I hear from women after birthing are, I wasn't allowed in the pool, I wasnt allowed to go past my due date, and the one I hate the most, I wasn't allowed a home birth!!
So why does it matter? Why does it matter if we say "I wasn't allowed.."?
Because, Words have power. They have enormous amounts of power. Studies have been done that show how our spoken word can literally change the molecular structure of water (study done by Dr. Emoto). There's been research done by David Hawkins, showing the change in muscle strength from certain words. There’s bags of evidence out there to prove just how powerful words are.
Words can empower us or disempower us, and I bet you can have a guess at what being told your 'not allowed' or that 'you can't do it' has on you. That's right, it disempowers you. It feeds this belief that your body is not capable, that you are not able to birth your baby without being told what you can and cannot do. And when you believe you can't do something thats exactly what happens, you can't.
" The only way to achieve the impossible, is to believe it is possible " - Alice in Wonderland.
Not only are you not encouraged to believe things are possible, you are often (from my experience and what I hear, the majority of the time) told without a shadow of a doubt that it is impossible. That birthing your baby in the way you want is impossible for x, y or z reason.
This language has to stop! The impact this type of rhetorical language has on the ideas and beliefs surrounding pregnancy and birth is catastrophic. Women have lost their power, they have lost the belief in themselves and their bodies to birth their babies. Birth has been medicalised, its been modernised and its been stripped of its natural, powerful roots.
Now, I am not saying that there are not circumstances that you need to consider when deciding how to birth your baby in a safe way, not for a second. There are most definitely reasons why not having a home birth would be the better choice for you, or not going further into your pregnancy would be the safest option for you and your baby. But, what I am categorically saying is that you should never be told you are not allowed, or you can’t, because legally you can birth your baby however and wherever you like. And you are not obligate to undergo any procedures or treatment that you do not want. If you are told that ‘you can’t’ or that you ’have to’, you should be prepared to stand up for yourself and feel confident to explain to them that you would like a discussion about this so YOU can make the decision about what you are and are not going to do at your birth, and during your pregnancy.
For too long the decisions about our bodies and our births have been left to the decision making of the medical institutes and what has that resulted in, induction rates through the roof, incorrect diagnosis of babies size leading to unnecessary inductions, missed homebirths, unnecessary intervention, rushed labours, panic, fear, but most importantly loss of our true inner power. Because with no sense of your true inner strength and ability you are left unable to make decisions and feel confident.
So, what can we do about it?
Firstly, we can stop asking permision from midwifes, doctors, consultants, friends, family (because friends and family can put just as much pressure on pregnant and birthing women than medical staff) and we can acknowledge that the only person with the right to make a decision about your birth is yourself! From my own experiences I learned that there’s a lot of people that feel what they think you should do holds more value than what you feel you should do, especially medical professionals. And I also learned first hand that what they want you to do isn’t always whats best for you or your baby. They follow protocol, they do the same thing for everyone that flags up this or that. It’s not personalised care, so that means it’s your responsibility to make sure your getting the treatment that’s best for you.
Secondly, we can start educating ourselves on our rights as birthings women, how our body works in harmony to birth the baby and techniques to help you stay relaxed and work with your body not against it. Time and effort is required, nothing worth having comes easy, but wouldn’t you rather spend a little time preparing yourself to feel empowered and strong through the most memorable experience of your life, instead of potentially feeling lost, scared and out of control.
When I became pregnant with my second baby we paid for a hypnobirthing course and it changed my life. It changed the way I viewed birth, it helped me release all the fear I had built up around birth, and most importantly it taught me how to ask for information and then use that to make decisions for myself. If you like the idea of taking control of your birth and the decisions you make for you and your baby, this Facebook group is a great place to find help and support from hypnobirthing practitioners and birth workers.
And thirdly, we can grow our courage. Courage is stepping into the unknown. It’s taking that leap of faith and doing what your intuition is telling you, even if people don’t agree or like it. Courage is doing what you feel is right without knowing the outcome. Everything to do with pregnancy and birth is courageous. We never know the outcome, ever! The medical institution has done a fabulous job at convincing everyone they know what’s best and if you do it their way everything will go smoothly, but that’s just completely untrue. It takes an extra layer of courage to stand in your power and say I’m doing this my way! You may have unsupportive midwifes, consultants, family members, and you must learn to listen to your instincts and not back down through fear, or worse because your pressured into it.
I experienced in all of my pregnancies the pressure that’s put on pregnant women, to comply to the unnecessary interventions that have taken over midwifery and modern birthing. It’s not easy at all to stand by your instincts through the pressure you will receive and that’s why it’s important to practice and grow your courage. It will be the difference between getting the birth you want and deserve, and being forced to accept a birth that is not yours.
I am forever thankful that I learned what I did through hypnobirthing and further researching. It’s not only helped me have two amazing home births, it has helped me see how amazing my body is, how couragous I can be and how powerful I feel when I stay true to my intuition. It’s lead me to knowing how to make educated decisions for myself and my children, how to speak to people (especially medical staff) about what I want and make plans, and how to use my own feminine powers to birth and care for my children in the most natural way I can.
If there is something within you that resonates with what I am saying than I beg you, please take steps to prepare for a birth that only you make the decisions for. If you want to chat with me further, please don’t hesitate to message me through my contact page or Instagram. I would be happy to give you any advice I can.
All my birth pictures were taken by my amazing husband who’s a professional photographer. Birth photography is something I would love to get into so please contact me to discuss.
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